Micheal after Maria breaks up with him in Behind the Music "Will you come back to me?"

Liz: I'm Liz Parker and five days ago I died. After that things got really weird.

Liz:I'm Liz Parker and five days ago I died. But then really amazing thing happened: I came to life.

Maria - "This is the second time you have dragged me into some cheap motel."
Michael - "Yeah, well don't spread it around, you'll ruin my reputation."

Michael - "I just figured 'go for it', you know? I don't know what I was thinkin'"
Max - "Yeah, I just thought we had guidelines about this. We agreed to discuss before we acted on any, you know, urges."
Michael - "Well I hate to tell you this, Max, but when I have urges, you're not exactly the first person I think about."

Max - "Save me! Save me! I'm a human trapped in an alien body."

Max - "I've been hiding for years, Kyle. Years. But it's time the real Max comes out."
Kyle - "He wouldn't be gay by any chance, would he?"

RA - "What do you have to say for yourselves, men?"
Doug - "Thought she just wanted a normal date."
RA - "OK, go for it, Kyle."
Kyle - "Hey, I'm just happy to be nominated. And I think I'm gonna puke.

Liz - "What are you doing here Max?"
Max - "Well, I have orders from my planet to take over the Earth."

Liz - "This is really horrible."
Max - "No, Liz, it's incredible, really."
Liz - "This is not incredible."
Max - "Wait, please listen. Please. The main thing is, I didn't just see what you saw, I felt what you felt whe you saw me. And I never thought anyone could really ever feel that way about me."

Liz - "I just wish that I could've stopped you from saving my life that day in the Crashdown."
Max - "Don't say that."
Liz - "Max, the day that you saved my life, your life just ended."
Max - "No, that's the day my life began."

Maria: (to Max) Girlfriend. Like, I know that we bonded over the summer, but I'm not quite ready to show you the bod just yet.

Maria: Max, little advice. The girl goes off to some aunt in Florida for the entire summer and barely says good-bye to you. In layman's terms, she blew you off big time. I mean, and look at you. Look, you're like a groveling dog. (in a whiny voice) Have you heard from Liz today? Did Liz call? (normal) No. That's no good. Look, you've gotta play it cool, all right? Let her come to you.
Max: Let her come to me.
Maria: That's what I'd do.
Max: Wait. Didn't you just tell me that you left like 5 messages for Michael in the past 2 days?
Maria: What's your point?

Maria: So, I hear ex-cons are really great in bed.

Kyle: My strength fails. My vitality exhausted. I cannot find the bull. I only hear the locusts chirring through the night.

Teacher: Mr. Guerin, true or false? We're not even a month into the semester, and you're already failing my class. This is a new record.

Liz: Max keeps coming to my window and telling me he wants to be with me again, but I know it's... it can never work out.
Alex: Isabel, she gave me another one of those "Alex, you're such a great friend" speeches. It made me want to puke.
Maria: I have Michael Guerin. He's mine. You should have seen his face when he apologized to me. His eyes were practically begging me to take his sorry ass back. I have so landed him for once and for all...I think.

Maria: So how does electricity work?
Kyle: Why are you lookin' at me? We were both in the same remedial science class for 3 years.

Kyle: Buddha, forgive me, but I'm gonna kick your ass!

Maria: I'm an idiot 'cause I wanted you all to myself, and that's not right 'cause I've never seen you that happy before, and I love you happy. I love you.
Michael: This is okay?
Maria: Yes, this is okay. Now you realize you have to take me somewhere to make up for that tuna melt, right?

Liz: Dad, I'm gonna dance with Max. Not because it's tradition and not because I found some kind of loophole but because it's my choice. We love each other, and we are going to be together.

Isabel: We're all aliens. Our ship crashed in Roswell over 50 years ago. It wasn't a hoax. It was a government cover-up. We're hybrids. Alien-human DNA. We crawled out of our secret... Pod chamber about 12 years ago into the desert. And nobody knows. Not even our parents.
Jesse: This is some weird family practical joke, right?

Liz: I do trust you. Now let's go ice-skating, and we'll talk about this later.
Max: Uh... What about tonight?
Liz: I can't. I'm an indentured elf all through Christmas Eve.

Michael: Other Santa's in rehab, so Isabel forced me to do this. You know how she gets around the holidays. Bring me a brat, snowflake.

Liz: Should I worry?
Max: No. I saw Samuel this morning with his family, and... It made me realize something-- that you, Liz... You're my family.

Liz: But what if were like complicated...like incredibly, incredibly complicated?
Grandma Parker: Well, one thing I can tell you....if it isn't complicated, he probably isn't a soul mate.

Maria: Ok, so what's with the Tabasco sauce?
Michael: Sweet and spicy.
Maria: Well, I'll have to, uh, keep that in mind.
Michael: You do that.
Isabel: Are you two flirting? God, could my life get any worse?

Liz: Why is it ok for them, but it's not ok for us?
Max: I think that what I'm afraid of isn't that we try this and it works out really badly. What I'm afraid of is we try it and it works out really well. I'm afraid of feeling everything that I know I would feel. Because I know it's not meant to be.

Liz: "This is the best night of your life."
Max: Is that really what it says?
Liz: Well, it's better than "A broken clock is still right twice a day."

Alex: Ok, I give up. What are we staring at?
Liz: This is an aqua bra. Would you like to try it on, Alex?
Alex: Yeah, maybe later.

Maria: You know, getting ready for the big weekend and all.
Max: You have a big weekend?
Maria: Dates. We have dates. With men.

Maria: It is officially freezing out here.
Liz: Maria, it's not that cold.
Maria: Really? Really, 'cause I am now wearing an ice bra!

Alex: Oh, just you wait, little ladies, until you see my band open up at the, you know, the blind date concert this Friday.
Liz: You know, you need a better name.
Alex: Oh, come on. What's wrong with "The Whits"?
Maria: Just an "s" away from what you really are.

Isabel: I'm just afraid that you won't find what you're looking for. Or that maybe you will and you won't need Max and me anymore.
Michael: That's not possible, ok?

Tess: Liz is human. She has nothing to do with us.
Max: No, you have nothing to do with us.

Liz: Max, you do have a destiny. You just heard it. I can't stand in the way of it.
Max: But you mean everything to me.
Liz: Goodbye, Max.

Liz: It's just wrong that we're here. I mean, any of us.
Principal: Well, then, perhaps you and Mr. Evans should have been less noisy.

Liz: Max, was it ever just about us? You know, you and me? Because a person could feel like they just served their purpose.
Max: Is that what you think? Because you're not the only one who'd be worried about being used. I mean, some girls would give a lot to see themselves fly through outer space.

Amy DeLuca: Oh, my God. This must be the famous Tess. My daughter Maria has told me so much about you.
Tess: Oh, I deny everything.

Liz: I thought you didn't believe in God.
Max: I believe in you.

Max: Five years from now, I don't want you to open your eyes and realize that...that you missed out. But I'll be watching you, Liz Parker. Wherever you go...and I'll be here when you get back.

Tess: It's ok, you know? You have the right to protect your family.
Kyle: You're part of the family I was trying to protect.

Kyle: As far as I can see, you're the only good thing about having an alien in my life.
Tess: You're definitely my favorite human.
Kyle: Well...you're my favorite Martian.

Max: I always thought you were chasing something that wasn't out there, because in my heart, I believed that we belonged here.

Michael: I'm right here for you.
Maria: But you won't always be.
Michael: What?
Maria: One day you're gonna leave me. You're gonna get on a spaceship and go away. I can't lose anyone else, Michael. My heart can't handle it.

Michael: The thing is, you're right. I can't really imagine it happening, but I am gonna leave someday. It could be a year, or two, or fifty. But I'm gonna leave. But there is one thing that I can promise you, and that is that I can give you now.

Max: We were just almost obliterated by an alien killer.
Michael: Which is why we need to chill.
Max: Chill?
Michael: Exactly. Chill. See some stingrays.
Max: You're really serious about this.
Michael: Yeah.

Art Teacher - "Mr. Guerin, to what do we owe this pleasure?"
Michael - "What pleasure?"
Teacher - "You, of course. I-I mean it's Thursday, and I don't think I recall seeing you since Monday, of last week."
Michael - "Yeah, I'm sorry about that. But I kinda just really wanna draw..."
Teacher - "You kinda just really wanna draw?"
Michael - "Yeah. I didn't when they first made me take this class, but now I do."

Maria - "It's like the porno version of Aladdin."

Michael - "We kind of broke up."
Max - "What? Why didn't you tell me?"
Michael - "Well, I don't, I'm not sure if we did or didn't. I mean, it's confusing."
Liz - "Cherry cola, on the house."
Maria - "Yours is a dollar twenty-five."
Michael - "Guess it's not really confusing anymore, is it?"

Liz - "Um, excuse-me? Are you apologizing to me?"
Kyle - "I guess."
Liz - "Wow. I, you know, I wasn't aware that it was a part of your repertoire."
Kyle - "I didn't either!"

Maria - "Hi guys, what's up?"
Alex - "Hey."
Michael - "Nothing."
Maria - "What is that, like porn or something?"
(Checks herself out on video screen)
Maria - "Ooh, I'm not as flat as I thought I was."
Michael - "It's a wide-angle lens."

Isabel - "Alex and I are together now."
Michael - "Maria and I are going steady."
Isabel - "Great."
Michael - "Great."
Brief pause...
Maria - "Must be something in the water."

MAX: So did you and Maria officially break up?
MICHAEL: I thought so, but the more she says, the more confusing it gets. She wants space, but she still wants me in her life. All I know for sure is I'm not getting any. Let's grab a burger

MICHAEL: Christmas... it's a load of crap.
JESSE: Are you kidding me? It's a great time. Just mellow out, watch a little football.
MICHAEL: Oh, you'll be watching lots of football.
JESSE: What does he mean by that?

SAMUEL'S MOTHER: Did he just say something to you?
MAX: Yeah. He just called me "daddy."
SAMUEL'S MOTHER: That's impossible. My son doesn't talk.

LIZ: Max, maybe there's some other reason that he reached out to you. He spoke to you. He obviously senses that you're different. Maybe he's trying to say something, and he's looking for help to say it. 

-But you, you can just throw me away. Just like that. Why is that, Michael? Why?
            -Maybe because I love you too much. Goodbye.
                            -Michael, Maria

Max Evans did save your life.
            -Damn human of him. Of course, he is the reason I got shot in the first place, but what the hell.
                        -Valenti, Kyle

I don't know...but eventually I'm hoping we can find out.
        -"We?" You didn't even choke on that.
                    -Micheal, Maria
Look. I don't care that you've got 30 pounds on me or...or that you can kill me with some...some twisted alien power. I will not let you treat her like that. I...I don't care that Isabel treats me like crap, but no one does that to Maria, all right? She's not just some girl!
                -Alex

Nancy: "This is horrible. I... I can't even believe it."
Max: "Me neither."
Nancy: "How are you doing? I know you were so close to him."
Max: "Not as close as Liz."

Max: "Can I talk to her?"
Nancy: "Shes not here. She, uh... she went out. I don't even know where she went. I just think she needs a little bit of space right now."

Isabel: Can we get back to the part where you got arrested, please?
Michael: Look, it's over, ok? Max fixed it.

Isabel: Your favorite flavor is vanilla?

Liz: No wonder you always look so perfect.
Isabel: You think so?
Liz: Please...you're like the Elle McPherson of the sophomore class.
Isabel: Well, I guess that answers question number 12: "Who do you envy?"

Isabel: Great. They probably already made it through. Now what are we supposed to do?
Max: We'll just get some rest...keep going when it's open.
Isabel: What, you mean sleep in the jeep? Out here, together?

Isabel: Actually I think Maria would find it in her heart to forgive you for exceeding the price limit, though there would be hell to pay if you gave the girl you love an electric toothbrush for Christmas. You're better off getting her no gift at all.

Isabel: (incredulous, learning where Max left Nasedos dead body) In your room?!

Max: We're doing the right thing. Until we know what we're up against, we've got to keep our heads down. Try to blend in.
Isabel: I hope so. I'm too young to be dust.

Isabel: We have to kill him He used an alien weapon. What human could do that? He's a skin...whatever that means. And he killed Nasedo and he's been stalking the rest of us. We're at war. It's him or us, and I choose us.

Isabel: (teasing) I think this is as close as you've ever come to the library, Michael.

Liz- "So, were you, like, green?"
Max- "Green?"
Liz- "Before you took human form. Were you 3 feet tall and green and slimy? You know I'm very sorry about asking you that. It's Maria's question."
Max- "Um, no. We just always looked like this. Except for the third eye." (bends down)
Liz- (Checks for eye)
Max- "Kidding."
Liz- "Yeah, I knew you were kidding." (Laughs) "You're such a jerk."

Liz- "Hi, Max, it's Liz um I'm at the hospital. Something happened to my grandmother. We don't know if it is serious but, I seems really bad. I'm just scared. Look, I don't even know why I'm calling you. I guess I just wanted to hear your voice or something. Now, I just feel completely stupid. Look, you....don't come here or anything cause everyone's here. I'll see you at school tomorrow. Sorry for the weird call. Bye." (hangs up phone)

Kyle- "All right, number 4, what's your favorite TV show?"
Max- "I don't watch much television, you?"
Kyle- "America's Most Wanted. I watch it with my Dad......all right, all right, let's get to the good ones. Ohh, uh, what's the best things that's ever happened to you?"
Max- "Getting adopted I guess."
Kyle- "I'm gonna shed a tear."

Liz- "It's November 11th, I'm Liz Parker. All logic is gone. Here were my plans last night. Finish my shift, dinner with the parents, then a half hour of talking to Maria on the phone and then dive into this issue I've been having with Geometry and hopefully finish in time to watch this A&E biography on Madame Curie. Instead, I took off in an open-air vehicle that probably shouldn't be allowed on the road to begin with, broke into a house, essentially stole things from it and engaged in general bonding with aliens. Welcome to my world."

Kyle- "Oh hey look, a spy."
Alex- "No, i'm just eating."
Kyle- "Yeah right. Liz sent you to find out whether or not i've told anyone anything, right?"
Alex- "No, it's that there was no one else to eat with and--wait, told anybody what?"
Kyle- "You know what hurts the most? It's that she sent the B-Team. I mean you, not even Maria. I'll tell you what, Alex, i'm gonna send you back to headquarters with a little message. You can tell Liz that i'm tired of being lied to, she not the girl I thought she was, that she turned into some kind of--"
Alex- "Stranger?"
Kyle- "Oh you're good. That whole simpatico tactic. I'm sorry, but this fish won't swallow that bait. Do you really think i'm gonna believe that Liz didn't let you in on her little secret? I'm not that stupid."

Max- "It's, uh, it's a little quieter out here."
Liz- "Yeah, it's more private."
Max- "So...."
Liz- "So. Let's hope nothing explodes."
Kyle- "Hi. Enjoying the party?"

Mrs. Evans: Max, honey, Liz is here
Max: We're just...going out
Michael: You're going out
Isabelle: What, like on a date?
Max: No, not at all. We both kinda felt like Chinese food. It's no big deal
Isabelle: Why are you changing your shirt?

Maria (to Michael): You can't just wave your hand over a problem and make it go away. You know, why don't you figure out what's really going on with you, Michael. Why you can't piece together an apology like any normal human being. Oops, maybe that's the problem

Maria: You know the boy that I slept but didn't sleep with?
Amy: Unfortunately the shock has indelibly printed his face on my brain
Maria: He's in jail
Amy: Oh, this just gets better and better, doesn't it?

Max: She's [Tess] a stranger, Isabel.
Isabel: Well, it's not like I'm gonna fall in love with her and tell her our secret and compromise our very existence.