You will never know how much I'll miss you
or how much I care for you inside my heart
you'll never know how often I think about you
or how many times you tore my world apart.

You will never know how many tears I've cried
or how many times a night I dream about you
you will never understand why I do any of this
or just how badly my soul aches for you too.

You will never know how many dreams have been shattered
or how in just a few months, you have changed my whole life
you will never be able to apologize for all your mistakes
or be able to somehow forgive me for all of mine.

You will never be able to kiss me
or to even hold me in your strong arms
you will never know that I am hurting
or that you will only bring me harm.

Yes you will never know any of this
because I keep it here locked inside
for I don't to bring want
to bring any more pain into my life.

But as I am writing this
I can't help but think
of how much I love you
and how I wished you loved me.

Because you will never know
how much my heart aches for you...
I wish I could tell you this
but I am too scared to.

PiCtUrE
 

It's funny how something like a picture can spawn so many forgotten memories and as I stared down into your eyes I closed my own and began remembering.... I remember that day so vividly as if it was just yesterday amazes me that it's been almost 4 years and I still think about you today. I had admired you from afar for over a year and I remember when you finally asked me out I was so happy that I almost started to cry remember when you asked me what I was so sad about? I was far from sad, I was in my own little world being with you felt like some strange dream a dream that I never wanted to wake up from couldn't believe that you had chosen me. I remember the night you said I love you it was when we were talking on the phone words can't explain what was going through my head but for the first time in my life, I no longer felt alone. You were there for me,to experience my ups and downs to hold me close whenever I needed a friend you listened to me and gave me advice when it seemed as if my world had come to an end. You fought every battle with me stuck up for me every chance you got noone quite understood how deeply we loved eachother back then love was something so many teens forgot. But not us...not you and me what we had was so special in my eyes but all good things come to an end eventually we would have to say goodbye. I never would have thought you would end this and when you said it was over,I could barely breathe I couldn't believe you out of all people would be the one to break the news to me. I remember running into the girls bathroomn and crying on the shoulder of my friend the pain that I felt at the moment was so intense and I didn't think that it would ever end. I remember thinking that you'd come back to me that this was all just some mistake but as the weeks treaded on..... my heart continued to break. When summer came, I thought I was okay that is, until you called me I remember how excited I was and how nice you seemed to be. I mistook your call for something more I thought you wanted to get back together but you just called so you could feel less guilty and I knew the answer to my question was-never. Never again would I get to kss you or tell you that you were my ultimate dream because as much as I hoped it would be our love wasn't quite what it seemed. I remember the next time I saw you how the tears sprung to my eyes as I saw you holding her your arms wrapped around her so tight. That year though...I survived but I remember how much it hurt to be without you once again it was just another lesson learned. And when I opened my eyes I saw your picture still in my hands I let myself shed one small tears for us and knew my heart would understand. Because thats all thats left of us just a couple pictures that I kept and as hard as it is for me.... its something I have to accept. Feel Like Nothing   Without you in my world... my life means nothing for when I had you I had everything. I had friends who were true they used to care about me now they have all disappeared all I can do now is weep. I cry not only for me but for you too for leaving me here alone and without you. Hiding my pain isn't working it's so plain to see that I am dieing inside I no longer feel like me. How can I get past this? I feel like my life is over you were all I ever had now you give me the cold shoulder. I was never the one to fall in love for I believed that it didn't exist but when you kissed me that first time my heart and my lips could not resist. I wish that I could forget that night and all the other days we shared that way i could pretend that I was happy and that maybe someone would reach out and care. But thats not the case and I'm suffering on my own oh god what did I do to deserve this?? why must I have to survive a broken heart alone? Your Words Hurt Me   Brokenhearted you left me asI watched you walk away I cringed at the memory of our fight and the words you said to me did stay. How you didn't care if I was mad because in a few days you would be gone it was like my feelings never even mattered and I started to wonder what went wrong. I came back to school today because I had been sick for a few days and I wanted to see you more than anything now I wish my love for you could be erased. I didn't believe my friends when they told me what you said I thought I knew you better than that well obviously I was mislead. And later on you said it again it was your way of trying to hurt me I never talked about you behind your back and if I did, it would have only been good things. I wanted to cry so badly but I wouldn't give you the satisfaction because I saw you sitting there across from me blantantly waiting for my reaction. You tried to talk to me but I ignored your every word I'm tired of being treated like this why is it me that you want to hurt?? I haven't done a thing to you expect try to be a friend but obviously we can't be that anymore for whatever we are has now just come to an end. It would Be Too Easy   It would be too easy to pretend like we never even met I could ignore you in the halls and put on my best act yet. It would be too easy to simply walk away from you when it's something I want... but am not sure how to do. It would be too easy to not stare into your blue eyes that way I can forget the way they shown in the darkness of a hot summer night. It would be too easy to say that I don't care then I could get on with my life without having to be part of a pair. It would be too easy to say that I never even loved you I could take the games you play and turn them around on you too. Yes it would be too easy to do all of these things but I am not a vengeful person and somewhere I know that you love me. So I will stick around and wipe these tears of mine away it would be too easy to leave you... so I guess thats why I still stay. What's Happening To Us?   Why can't we make things right? can't we go back to how things were? Without you, my life has no meaning no purpose at all. Even if you don't realize it I need you more than words can say but not ever you. can stop the pain you're causing me... you can't wash our past mistakes away. My heart is breaking slowly cracking piece by piece and soon, nothing will be left. Why can't you just talk to me and tell me how you feel? Why don't you just say 'I love you' and make things okay??oes It Take?   ///DoN't LeAvE///   You know who you are and that I love you I don't want you to leave but I know you have to. I'll just shut my eyes and drift off into yesterday every smile you gave me... it's in my heart to stay. And if I ever got the chance to somehow go back in time I would have done things the right way its sad knowing that you could have been mine. You are all that matters to me and I don't care what others say I am the one who controls my heart why should I listen to them anyway? I am really going to miss you and next year it won't be the same no more taking our walks down the hall no more playing your litle mind games. No more of your gentle touches no more of your helpful words no more will you be there..... and my sobs will never be heard. I hope you remember me and how much that I cared we have been through alot but I have always been there. And yes maybe you haven't treated me exactly the best but whose perfect anyway? let's let the past rest. I'm concentrating on now strictly just you and me.... I love you with all my heart and I wish that you didn't have to leave. HuRtInG WiThOuT yOu   I feel like I am on the outside every time her name escapes from your lips do you love her, do you still care if she knows that I'm the one you're with? I'm risking it all for you my heart is out on the line waiting for you to accept it praying that you will be mine. I can't even begin to tell you how many nights I've lied awake wondering when our love would happen and what would ultimately make it fade. I know I deserve better than someone who already has a girlfriend but I can't hide the way I feel one look in your eyes,and I can't pretend. So I let you hold me for now but I don't let you catch my tears for tommorow I might wake up and you might not be here. For whose to say that you might not change your mind? because the two of you are still together and it hurts that you think that its fine... Fine to just make me fall in love with you and to carry my heart wherever you go fine for you to ask me out and then leave me sitting at home on a Saturday night alone. Some may say I am a fool for you and you know what,maybe I am? but you and I are so good together that its hard for others to understand. Everyone automatically assumes that you and I are meant to be together because of the way we act always touching,somehow communicating without words around others we always joke around and all that. But then I go home and I start to wonder about how far I let my feelings for you go is it that obvious that I am in love with you? can you tell how badly I want to be with you alone? I never got to tell you what I've always wanted to say that inside,without you, I am slowly dieing and I need you to take all this pain away because I can't imagine life without you by my side.   Do YoU lOvE mE?   I finally did it today I actually kissed you only on the ckeek though but hey that counts too. You kept asking me all day during class I was afraid you were joking but time was running out fast. I felt you searching... to put your hand in mine this time I didn't resist gave up trying to fight. It felt so natural like it was meant to be finally now I have the answer to the question of you and me. We were in our own little world away from everyone around us I wanted to tell them all though that I had fallen in love. But what hurts is the fact that soon you'll have to go why didn't this happen months ago? I love you...I don't want to be alone. We could have had something special but now it's too late...isn't it? we were too late to act on this and thats something I don't get. What were we so afraid of before? because now I have no real reason why... why did we never get together? and why now,when we have to say goodbye? It feels like my heart is being ripped apart in two different directions and I'm trying my best not to cry but you're showing me so much affection. This really hurts...knowing it'll never work for who knows what tommorow has in store I don't want my heart to break again and I don't want to love you anymore. But I don't know how to stop loving you or to stop feeling the way that I do I'm praying that you love me.... please...say you love me too. LaSt DaY   I didn't want to tell you goodbye couldn't force the words out the situation was awkward anyway you know what I'm talking about.... Because the truth came out today I finally told you how I felt it was a huge relief to let it all go to stop pretending to be someone else. And as I watched you walk away I hoped that I'd somehow see you again that what you said wasn't all lies and that we'd remain close friends. I don't want to be that girl whose always chasing after you I can't compete with her I don't even want to try to. For what we have right now is perfect in my eyes I don't care about anything else just as long as your in my life. So much between us was left unsaid I didn't tell you everything you still have me afraid to love you to share with you my dreams. I hope to God I see you again for I've been waiting for too long to just hold you in my arms and not care if it might be wrong. I am my own person and I make my own choices I'll just have to block out the sound of everyone else's voices. This isn't just some stupid crush that I can make go away it's something I can't fight it's lust, some may say. But I know it's not and thats all that matters to me I'll just close my eyes and think of you and see you once again in my dreams..... The Future Of Us   Maybe I will see you around someday and then I can laugh about this yeah...things will be okay then my love for you won't even exist. And maybe we'll sit down and have a nice long chat about our high school days and say how much we miss that. Maybe we will reminisce over the love that we once had the love you never gave into because you never loved me back. And maybe I will mention her name and ask you if you're still together then you'll smile and say no that you knew it wouldn't last forever. Maybe if I would speak up I'd be able to let you know that although the years passed I still wasn't able to let you go. And maybe you would tell me the same and admit that you thought about me too about what might have been if you tried... I bet you would have fallen for me too. Maybe I would just shrug my shoulders and let out a bitter laugh and do my best to hide my tears because I always hoped you would say that. And maybe seeing you was another sign telling me not to give up on you or maybe it was giving me a nudge to just get over the past too. But maybe I shouldn't be worrying about all of this for the future is so far away and the present...is what I'm stuck in. For you are still here, not far away and your phone number is right in front of me I know I should call you and tell you everything but past rejections and heartbreak is all I can see. But if I don't take this one chance will I regret it for the rest of my life maybe I should call you later.... maybe sometime tonight. For now I will just daydream about the day I might see you again what you will be like and I'm curious if I'd still be heartbroken. Maybe things will be different if I just take this one oppurtunity maybe I can change the future.... if I just let the present be? My Nonexistent Love Life   Relationships are doomed in my eyes I have gotten my heart broken once again to make matters worse,it was by a friend and now all I want to do is curl up and die. What's the point in love I ask? it doesn't ever last you always search your past trying to get those feelings back. Nothing ever works, so why even try? why do I wear my heart on my sleeve constantly thinking of you and me is not what I should hope for inside. But its what I do, night and day I wonder what your answer will be and if you're willing to love me hoping you won't push me away. I'd be willing to spend all my life being there for you and only you I'd be your best friend and lover too if you'd just let me in this time. I have yet to find true love but hey, I am still young my love life though is done and I have run out of trust. Yes relationships to me are doomed and maybe some of you will agree I just need to watch out for me because I can't fall in love with you.... +++Wish You Well+++    I wish you well You were never officially my boyfriend so i guess I can't call you my ex but I was crazy about you your kisses truly were the best. You weren't like other guys I dated you were content with just holding me never once took advantage of me remember the night we both fell asleep? I woke you up and told you it was late but you shook your head and smiled at me you said you just wanted lay there and that being with me was the perfect dream. The sweet things you would say they still have stuck with me and tonight was the first time we talked since January. I am glad I put the past behind me and I believe I made the right choice you still remembered me...surprisingly I wish I could call you now and hear your voice. You have a girlfriend now, that I understand was it the same one you had when you were with me? is that why you told me we couldn't go out? you had someone on the side the whole time, I see. And although I should be angry about it this happened months ago and I have let go I'm not the same girl I was when we met it took awhile but inside, I have grown. I'm not writing this to say that I want you back or anything you have your own life now and it doesn't include me. Thats fine though, because I don't mind I just kinda miss how you made me feel safe maybe we never were a compatible couple but at least you had your heart in the right place. I wish you nothing but the best and hope that you have a happy life I'm smiling now because I know that I'll see you around sometime. The door linking our past it is still open you know the ball is in your court a touch is all you have to show. If that never happens with us then it will be okay we are not meant to be not ever, not even today.... Don't Push Love Away   It's been a week since we have spoken and I had some time to think about things my happiness means more to me than you know all I want to do is stop my suffering. You will regret losing my love and everytime that you pushed me away I can imagine you crying to me on the phone asking me why I didn't stay. The answer is quite obvious you couldn't make up your mind one day you acted so cold towards me then the next you were fine. I can't turn my feelings on and off like you do thats why I'm making the choice of having nothing to do with you. People keep asking me how exactly I could be so strong and not care the truth is, I care too much and for me just to is not fair. I kept on giving and all you did was take I kept a close eye on every move that you made. But I am putting an end to all that and I'm moving on because I can next time know you don't push love away know you have to take time to understand. I don't think I will ever regret this all I am doing is protecting my heart from someone who will only misuse it and give it back to me ripped apart. I hope you also find the happiness that I am so desperately searching for and know that I mean it this time I won't be coming back to you anymore. Love Story   The word love comes to mind everytime I say your name outloud butterflies overwhelm me inside you are the one,without a doubt. If I ever told you this what would you think of me? I know you cared for me then you made me happy entirely. You grew apart from me and it killed me to stand aside and let you lead your own life leaving me with not even a goodbye. But I still loved you I buried it so deep inside wanted to cry every second but I held it in all the time. I didn't let myself fall apart although sometimes I came close I'd have to listen to you talk about her knowing that you loved her the most. I stayed by your side gave you advice whenever you needed it I thought that maybe you would see that it was me you were meant to be with. I am still convinced that one day it will happen, that you will understand you were all that I ever wanted and needed it can still happen you know...it can. But I won't wait for you,not like before I will be here whenever you are ready and if you never are willing to commit at least I still have all of our memories. What's a girl to do?   I want to find a lasting love don't want to play any more games need someone by my side and am willing to do what it takes. Next time I will be more careful and I won't get in over my head because before I ended feeling used and I don't want to feel like that again. I always seem to have the worst luck or maybe I just take whoever likes me I'm not going to be like that anymore next time I will do the choosing. Often I find guys that I like but they are always too old for me it's so frustrating when I have to say no... and tell them that I'm only 17. For every guy I know my age doesn't want a serious relationship they're only looking for one thing and won't stop until they get it. So what's a girl to do when she's trying to find a lasting love wait for the little boys to grow up or find a man who feels like she does?? Want To Help You   Take a look around you, what do you see? your friends aren't here...but I am I've been by your side through it all but you still turn away my helping hand. You don't want my love or my compassion so what exactly do you want from me? am I just the girl you run to whenever you are in some kind of need? I stare into your beautiful blue eyes and I see someone that I love very much I want to believe that you feel the same swear I could feel it in every touch. You can depend on me, for anything last thing I would ever do is hurt you I thought you knew me better than that.. after all that we've been through. When all your friends leave you behind and you come to me so I can dry your tears I am the only one who truly cares about you but the second they call..you just leave me here. I won't argue with you on this one because I shouldn't tell you how to run your life but before you go out and do something stupid think about us...about me..sometime. Think if running the streets is worth it and if your life means anything to you do you treasure it, do you want to keep it? God... I really hope you do. The Chance I took For Love   I took the chance the day that you stepped into my life I should have stayed away but I never do whats right. You had me hypnotized under some kind of love spell for months all I saw was you and I knew that you could tell. The first time you touched my hand thats as far as it should have went and I did back away for awhile but my heart just could not forget. Every line you fed, I ate it up every excuse you gave, I believed it when you told me you were leaving her I thought it was me you were going to be with. But you never did break up with her your mind changed from day to day sadly I waited for you to pick me and you pushed me farther and farther away. You knew I was getting too close and you had to do something to stop it but I kept on coming back because I loved you and I hated the fact that you were doing this. We started off as great friends..until you wanted more I had been waiting for months just to hear those words and when you told them to me..I almost cried they were the sweetest words that I had ever heard. I was so excited because I thought I finally had you but what I ended up having was a broken heart because you ended up working things out with her I don't want to sound so bitter..you just tore me apart. I took a chance and I'm weary of whether or not I should have just said no would I still be in the same position as now writing these poems about you and you don't even know? If you ever reappear in my life again I think I would choose the alternate route this time because I won't let you take my heart away from me it's not yours to ever have...its mine. Let Me Down   Next to you, I feel like I lack maturity you're practically grown up and on your own I'm just a shy, quiet girl who loves you and lives hundreds of miles from where you roam. Talking to you on the phone though helped but now everytime it rings, I know its not you you have moved on past the phase called me in the past few months,I've realized this truth. I can't be mad over something like this you were never mine,the distance was too far loving me was easy enough for you to do but forgetting me was what tore my heart apart. There I was...lonely and confused waiting for you to call or even write cried everytime I imagined you with someone else your strong arms holding her all through the night. That was supposed to be me, I should have been there but at the last minute, you told me to stay away what would have happened between us... if I had actually gotten on the train that day? And traveled across the country in the name of love would the way you feel about me now change? would I have gone through with everything I promised? there are no clear answers here...just mistakes. I would have done anything to be with you climbed the highest mountain,scale a thousand peaks I thought giving my heart to you would be a smart thing but in the end it only made me even more weak. There was no safety net for me to grab unto no one could stop my own demise couldn't keep my tears from falling I had to dry my own eyes. Now whenever I talk to you...its different not necessarily in a bad way but its just hard especially when you bring up what we could have had... and then I remember how recklessly you broke my heart. But I act like it doesn't bother me so I lie and tell you, yeah we would have been great together when on the inside, I am dieing without you but on the outside, I seem to have it all together. You tell me that we would have been the perfect couple and that you wished that we could have tried well why are you even telling me this for? months ago, it was your decision to say goodbye. I'll just let you keep telling me these sweet things and wish that you meant everything you said I know I'll have to brace myself though... for the next time that you'll let me down AGAIN. Finally Over You   I think I am finally over you, over all the pain that you put me through. I can hold my head up high and forget about all your careless goodbyes. You will never call me again, we'll never be able to remain friends. We are going in 2 different directions...I loved you, did I forget to mention? I truly did and thats what caused this to end, you loved me but you couldn't pretend. You weren't mine to have, you belonged to her, there was nothing I could do to keep me in your world. I never asked much from you, probably nothing at all, how could I ever make my life right again..if loving you was my greatest downfall? Tears for you have been shed to the bone, I just need the memory of you to leave me alone. I want to make things okay like they should be, my heart doesn't need this pain,doesn't derserve to bleed. Someday you will regret your actions against me..you'll realize its me that you do need. But I will have moved on from you...and one day, you'll get over this too. Take care of yourself, hope you have a nice life..as for me, you know that I will be fine. Let Love Find Me   I am just a little girl, what do I know about love? I know more than I should and it hurts...it does. I learned at a young age what heartache was, I was only 13 when I met my so-called angel from up above. He broke my heart and left in 2, I'm still not over him, it's something that time can't undo. I search for love in all the wrong places, meet guys who turn out like rapists. I know its not the way I dress that makes them think that, I don't want to act naughty, I don't want to act bad. That's not me at all so how do I meet such guys? Why can't I find the one who can make me feel complete inside? Either they lost interest in me or they live too far away, and I'm tired of the tears, tired of the pain. Maybe I should stop searching and let it find me, thats what my family and friends seem to think. But I am just a little girl, what do I know about crying tears? What I do know is that they stop everytime he comes near. I won't tell him this though, I'll just keep it to myself...for he doesn't belong to me, he belongs to someone else. I'll just let him wash all my unhappiness away, and pray that he will love me one day. Try again   You made me feel better at the end of a cold day I would run to you to chase all my demons away. Hearing your sweet voice always helped ease the pain I didn't feel as alone or quite simply, as refrained. There was someone out there someone who understood me this person never judged me in me, you did believe. You said I could be anyone that I could do anything my self esteem was lifted all of this because you loved me. But you let me go...why? why did you cut ties for good? did you think I needed room to grow maybe you'd be with me if you could. I don't know what to do I miss every second we are apart tell me do you love me? can you fit me inside of your heart? Please say you can... I pray to god that you can you're all I've ever needed I hope your heart understands. That 2 people who care about eachother should be together till the end of time so what do you say,can this happen? will you once again be mine? Nam NOT Weak   So you say that I'm weak because I can't let go of you that doesn't make me any less strong or any less human too. I can't turn around and forget as quickly as you can when the words I love you are spoken they're hard to replace, do you understand? Because usually when people say them they mean it, it comes from their heart I can't believe you lied right to my face should have know you would, even from the start. You had a bad history with women but I was convinced I could change you and for a few weeks, you were perfect but then your real personality shown through. But don't you dare call me weak thats one name that I refuse to acknowledge I'm alot smarter than you think I am just wait till I go off to college. I will make something of myself where you're stuck known as a nobody I will be famous one day and I hope you see me on the tv. And say 'look theres that girl I used to know' 'there's the girl that used to love me' I will have moved on far above you to a man that makes me truly happy. So we'll see whose the weak one a few years down the road I have a feeling you'll be different than the guy I used to know from back home. Why Do I Hurt?   Why am I so damaged inside how can I erase all this hurt you promised me it would go away you even gave me your word. But I wake up,its still there my pillow is stained with tears photographs are thrown across my bed memories that have faded only this year. I used to be a happy girl,I had friends surrounded by people who loved me when did that all start to change? was there an exact month, a date maybe? Popularity was once at my fingertips people used to look up to me for advice now I come up empty handed everytime for they are no longer friends of mine. Why do I live with such pain? can't I be just like everyone else when can I stop worrying about others and finally concentrate on myself? I haven't shed a tear in months but I wake up with tears in my eyes it seems like only in my dreams I'm human and when I'm awake, I wear a disguise. I keep waiting for someone to notice like you did..but you left me here you gave up on me before I got a chance to tell you that you chase away all my fears. Why didn't you stick around? was there someone else who meant more why wasn't I good enough to be with you why did you need to go and be with her for? I will never have the true reason why or a definite cure for my pain but I'll still keep holding on tight for maybe I'll be alright..one day. I'll Keep On Loving   Today I thought alot about my past and made an inner peace with myself all things happen for a reason thats something I had believed and felt. And if we say goodbye now it might not be for forever love has a funny way of making things right if we are destined to be together. I stopped worrying about past relationships over things that had been said and done what matters now is that I am surviving life is one of the battles that I have won. I got over a broken heart,the loss of a friend and I did it all alone, without any kind of help in order to understand why this happened to me I had to figure it all out by myself. And now my head is clear,ready to learn again because these bad experiences won't affect me I will keep moving forward with my life I'll stay positive and just keep on loving.... The Rose   A wilted red rose lays in the palm of my hand its petals so crumled and looking forlorn and I slowly start to drift away in time ignoring the sharp pick of its thorns. I could feel my heart start to ache inside but I wanted to go back and relive this the night you gave me this once beautiful rose and the same night we engaged in our first kiss. These emotions were bottled up for so long letting them out was like opening an old wound it still stung as if it happened yesterday it tightened around my heart and gave it no room. I pictured so perfectly our fairy tale romance arms around eachother, holding eachother close late dances underneath a moonlit sky the simplest of touches meaning the most. And as I remembered all this I could no longer hold the tears back how could a love like this have existed once and is there a way to find out what we lacked? One day you were next to me,promising me forever and then you faded away within the lapse of time was there not enough of an effort made on my part? I still don't know who was wrong,your heart or mine. As one trickle of blood runs down my finger I recall some memorable words that you said that even if we never made it to eternity there was still a chance we'd find eachother again. Maybe we will, maybe we won't I won't live my life by what you promised me but I'll hold on to this rose as long as I can its the only tangible thing of you that you let me keep.  Never Cry     Here I am, my guard is broken down would you like to take a peek inside maybe you can find the answer... the answer to why I never cry. Right after I got my heart broken again I locked myself in my room and cried for days the pain was so intense and never ending it felt like my heart was breaking away. But then after that experience,I became numb and did not feel when to came to others my friends would try to get me to show emotion they thought it was an act,that I could recover. They saw the light soon and dropped their questions not because they didn't love me...I know they did they just wanted to give me some well needed time alone that whatever phase I was going through,I'd come out of it. Why don't I cry, why can't I shed a tear? I can feel me slipping away getting replaced by some other girl who doesn't care about whether she goes or stays. I am still searching for something that will give me the answer I'm looking for and for the magic words that can turn me back into the caring,sweet girl I was before. I'm so scared that I'm going to die unloved that I'll be left here without a friend in the world do you think that this will happen to me? what can I do to avert all this pain and hurt? Here I am,my guard is down and I'm asking someone to help because I can't take this much longer I can't even save myself. I I Saw You   If I saw you today I wonder how I'd react would I burst into tears and even take you back? Or would I tell you how much I hated you inside that you used me for no reason and lied to me too many times? But if we ever did meet again I would be too tongue tied to speak I don't think I'd do anything at all except let you pass by me. I'd let you go on wondering what I was thinking in my head maybe things would be better if we just left them unsaid. Because I did talk to you that would give me nothing but hope I don't want that or your pity I can survive a broken heart on my own. Wanted To Know You   I wanted to know you why was that such a sin? you weren't the shy type but you were different within. Thats why I wanted talk to you for whenever you were around we had these amazing coversations you were smart,witty,and such a clown. You were only honest with me why you were,remains a mystery but as our friendship grew you became interested in me. And I cared about you too it was just bad timing you already had another girl and that wasn't fair to me. I was still stuck in the past hung up over this other guy you helped me get over him and wiped away these tears of mine. So what do you tell your friend when he's on his knees for you asking you out every chance he gets but you're just not ready to? And what do you do when he suddenly ignores you and flirts with other girls seeing the pain you're going through? Maybe I did the wrong thing when I told you no then but I thought you were joking besides,you had a girlfriend. We were the talk of the school people knew about us so quickly about how I fell in love with you and that you felt the same for me. I hated not having privacy we could never talk alone maybe we would be together today if we had better communiation..but we don't. When I took the chance and finally told you that I had cared about you for 8 months it was too late, you already had given up I didn't expect it to hurt THIS much. And now we no longer talk to eachother and I still miss you alot you were so cruel to me in the end but maybe it was just your way of showing off. I never told you how much I cared I would never even let you touch me because I was afraid people would find out they did anyway without me even speaking. All I wanted to do was know you and get to understand your thoughts inside I didn't expect to fall in love and then get kicked out of your life. I WOULD   I would sacrifice my happiness if that would make you smile with every ounce of my energy for you,I'd go the extra mile. I would give you the world the sky,the moon,the stars fly across this country just to be where you are. I would cry you a thousand tears just so you would never be in pain when love seems far away from you I will renew your faith everyday. I would listen to your every word and pour my heart to you because you always listened to me at any time of the night too. I would love you for eternity which is what I'm doing right now though we're not together anymore we will be again someday..somehow. II YeArS   Keep seeing you around see you look at me with sadness in your eyes of how it all came to be. Used to believe you loved me we were so young then alls fair in love and war if so...then how did she win? Often I seem to reminisce and I can't stop the tears who would have known that loving you would have lasted this many years.... WOULD    Lost Without You   Can't get you off of my mind can't get you out of my head need to get a grip on myself and think of someone else instead. But no one ever understood me the way that you seemed to no one ever made me smile not like the way you do. Things are different now I can tell things have changed she's the girl in your present I'm the one still stuck in yesterday. I would sacrifice my happiness if that would make you smile with every ounce of my energy for you,I'd go the extra mile. I would give you the world the sky,the moon,the stars fly across this country just to be where you are. I would cry you a thousand tears just so you would never be in pain when love seems far away from you I will renew your faith everyday. I would listen to your every word and pour my heart to you because you always listened to me at any time of the night too. I would love you for eternity which is what I'm doing right now though we're not together anymore we will be again someday..somehow.  Am I Over You?   I have had a few days to clear my head and I'm happy to say that I'm over you not just over the little things you did but over all the pain you put me through. Now I know that I deserved better than what you offered me at the time I was just getting out of a relationship and ended up being the next victim in line. I can't quite call it an accident because I saw the damage that you could do I knew about your girlfriend from another school I knew the rumors...I knew all about you. I wanted to find out for myself what it was like to be in your arms to be safe and free from danger I felt comforted, not alarmed. Got too caught up in your lies that I couldn't seem to find the truth were we or were we not a couple everyone seemed to know the answer but you. I couldn't wait around for you and something between us started to change instead of holding me like you used to you started to give me my space. My heart felt so empty those last few days I wanted so badly to go to your graduation to see you walk across that stage.... maybe I'd get to see your family and meet them. But I knew I could never go it wasn't my place to be there for she would be the one holding your hand does she love you,does she even care? Because I can remember you coming to me in times when you were feeling down and asking me to just hold you.... is that the only reason you came around? To get my sympathy and leave taking my heart along with you it's not right that you did that if you were here,I'd tell you that too. But you're not here anymore and school's been out for awhile why is it that I can close my eyes and still remember your sweet smile? I still get this feeling in the bottom of my stomache when I thought of how we touched and how much I loved it. The feel of your hand laced in mine the chills caused by a small gesture how you used to help me get better grades how you would give me so many encouraging words. It would be a waste for me to say that I didn't enjoy our time together because I had the time of my life I just wished it could have lasted forever. Would we still be talking now if we stayed as friends and nothing more? would that have really made a difference or is writing this shutting another door? And maybe I lied when I said I was over you because inside I'm still hoping that you're not quite over me too.   Till The End Of Time   When I talk to you my heart feels so heavy inside because I can't tell you about all my sleepless nights. You are the one I dream of the one that I can't let go You think that we're still friends because I don't let my love known. Our past is complicated went from friends to much more but when our feelings became too strong is was you who decided to shut the door. You couldn't handle the distance that seperated you and me you couldn't understand why it was only you I wanted to see. How could I ever explain how much I loved you from the start? the way you cared for me...for others it captured the very essence of my heart. But I didn't tell you how I felt because you weren't ready for this the next step seemed so far away I was slipping towards the bottom of your list. You could never make time for me and your phone calls came farther in between I would get so angry, so upset that I always tried to start fights and make scenes. It wasn't the best way to go about confronting you about the way you treated me but I was just a young girl last year and I didn't want to act maturely. What I wanted was to close my eyes and wake up in the safety of your arms to savor the taste of your lips on mine and ignore the sound of the buzzing alarm. How could I even get up the nerve to tell you that I fell for you when I wasn't even sure who I was anymore and didn't know if you even loved me too? Now that our relationship has faded and we are walking the fine line I keep all my emotions deep inside me for another day, for another time. We have come too far and I don't want to ruin whatever we are now friends? confidates? associates? is caring about you even allowed? When you recently told me that you loved me at one time I almost fell apart inside felt another piece of my die... Why did you never tell me then? and why now,after all these months after I spent forever getting over you how could 3 words mean so much? But they do...somehow they do if you loved me once,maybe you can love me again I will just continue acting like I always do pretending that you and I are just friends. But I know everytime we do talk I will just be living another lie I've been doing it for over a year and I probably will be till the end of time. I was younger than you and not quite as brave you took some big risks wished I could do the same. Was love enough to keep you in this life of mine? if I acted more interesting would you have given me your time? You were older than me and acted so self assured always promised me that you would love me forevermore. But promises only take you as far as you want them to go when someone else crossed your path that was the end of us I know. I was clueless at first but I finally did catch on I wasn't who you wanted... and now you are gone. In the midnight hours I lay awake in my bed and replay our sweetest moments over and over in my head. I wait in anticipation for the day I will see you again I plan for the perfect words to say and for all my wondering to end. Do you still love me....somewhere? because I love you with all my heart but if you even cared for me at all then why did you tear my world apart? Till The End Of Time   When I talk to you my heart feels so heavy inside because I can't tell you about all my sleepless nights. You are the one I dream of the one that I can't let go You think that we're still friends because I don't let my love known. Our past is complicated went from friends to much more but when our feelings became too strong is was you who decided to shut the door. You couldn't handle the distance that seperated you and me you couldn't understand why it was only you I wanted to see. How could I ever explain how much I loved you from the start? the way you cared for me...for others it captured the very essence of my heart. But I didn't tell you how I felt because you weren't ready for this the next step seemed so far away I was slipping towards the bottom of your list. You could never make time for me and your phone calls came farther in between I would get so angry, so upset that I always tried to start fights and make scenes. It wasn't the best way to go about confronting you about the way you treated me but I was just a young girl last year and I didn't want to act maturely. What I wanted was to close my eyes and wake up in the safety of your arms to savor the taste of your lips on mine and ignore the sound of the buzzing alarm. How could I even get up the nerve to tell you that I fell for you when I wasn't even sure who I was anymore and didn't know if you even loved me too? Now that our relationship has faded and we are walking the fine line I keep all my emotions deep inside me for another day, for another time. We have come too far and I don't want to ruin whatever we are now friends? confidates? associates? is caring about you even allowed? When you recently told me that you loved me at one time I almost fell apart inside felt another piece of my die... Why did you never tell me then? and why now,after all these months after I spent forever getting over you how could 3 words mean so much? But they do...somehow they do if you loved me once,maybe you can love me again I will just continue acting like I always do pretending that you and I are just friends. But I know everytime we do talk I will just be living another lie I've been doing it for over a year and I probably will be till the end of time. When I'm in love with someone why is it so hard for me to say it? to tell them they're the center of my world but I never do..and now I live in regret. There were so many oppurtunities for me to remind you how I felt but my heart froze inside and your love couldn't make the ice melt. I made you feel neglected know I never wanted to hurt you I was what was stopping us and my fear of losing you too. In the past,whenever I said the words my heart always got broken in the end maybe thats why I'm so scared I don't want to get hurt again. And now that you are gone out of my life for good I wish I said I love you if you still loved me..maybe I would. But I don't want to interfere in your life again I had the chance and I blew it and lost one of my best friends. Just One Night   If I would have did what you wanted in the morning,would you remember me or more importantly...would you remember the feel of my lips or the softness of my cheek? Would you have remembered my name if I was to wake up beside you woud it be just a one night stand is that all you wanted from me too? Then you could run and tell your friends about everything that happened between us you would change the story around and in the process, lose my trust. If I was to lose my morals for one night and say I got too wrapped up in your arms I wonder if I would go through with it if I was too subdued by all your charms. I must admit that you had me tempted by the way that you were looking at me then something happened that changed my mind for I was worth more than that,I believe. I don't regret telling you no and maybe thats not what you wanted maybe you just wanted to hold me I can tell my answer left you daunted. But I wasn't going to take any chances and did what I thought was right and at least I got to know you even if it was for just one night. IBroken Heart   I feel my heart being broken words come but are never spoken. You are here beside me but still I am empty. There's is nothing that you can do to salvage the pain caused by you. You say you don't remember what you said last time we were together. But I remember it,clear as day inside of me your words remain. How you loved me,but it wasn't enough how could you forget...I cried too much. And you held me in your arms but it didn't stop the harm. I know that this is the end we are over, I can't pretend, Is this the last time I'll ever see you this feeling of dread is coming quickly too. You get up and turn towards me and I look into your eyes, searching. Your eyes have seen to lost their shine I know because in your reflection I see mine. I don't want to cry in front of you but here comes one tear...and another one too. I grab your hand and stand in your way repeating to you what you told me yesterday. 'How come I wasn't good enough?' 'why did you give up on our love?' You wouldn't answer me at all just stared blankly at my bedroom wall. With a sob, I pushed you away and cried like I haven't in days. I never heard the door close behind you never heard any kind of apology too. You were going to be fine without me and I was going to be lonely as can be. One day when I am over you I'll laugh and giggle like I used to. And when I see you, I'll wave even say hello if I'm feeling brave. But right now all I want to do is to soothe this heart broken by you. SListen To Me   Can I have a minute of your time there's something that I need to say please don't say anything yet I need to let this all out today. Now when we first met we became really good friends sure we'd flirt with eachother but we knew where the line did end. You would talk to me about her and I'd do my best to help you out but the more and more I got involved the more I started to have my doubts. I never told you that she wasn't the right one for you..did I? No, I took all this love for you and hid it deep inside. And I got tired of your games remember how you'd always ask me out? and you would leave me in tears when all I wanted to do was shout? Yeah, I know you thought it was funny well you don't play with people like that what's really pathetic is the fact that you actually liked me back. How happy I was when I found out like we were finally going to be together but that never happened did it? No, because you were too clever. You led me on along with her and I fell for it all the time I'd let you hold my hand kiss me...to me it seemed right. To be in love with your friend and have them feel the same way well...it was an amazing thrill the butterflies lasted for days. But I don't want you to know that I want you to know what you did to me remember when I finally kissed you in the hall,where everyone could see? I didn't care what they thought I only cared about you but that was your last day because you were graduating high school. And you gave me your number and told me to call you sometime when I did, you acted so strange and it made me want to cry. We made plans to do something and as usual, you ignored me I took the hint and I gave up I haven't even called you in weeks. You have my number...you never call I can't believe I fell in love with you why...how did I let this happen? I only wanted to be friends,thats the truth. I never wanted to cry over you while trying to fall asleep at night I didn't expect everyone to notice whenever we had another stupid fight. My intentions weren't to feel like this I wonder what yours really were and now that you're standing in front of me maybe you can tell me why you hurt this girl. Did you feel guilty about not saying goodbye? I have so many questions, I need answers why did you tell me that you loved me when we both knew that you were with her? So now that you know how I feel please don't make up any excuses again I'm tired of hearing the same old story of how you wish we can still be friends. We can never go back, we can never move on all I want to do is make peace with my past I don't want to waste my time hating you anymore because the pain is less and soon my anger will pass. And at least I got to let this all out I've kept it within me for so long and now that you know everything.... my reason for holding on to you is gone. Wash Away   Time fades into the background and as the rain falls onto the windowpane I hold my hand over my beating my heart and listen to the drops that are so faint. The tears slide down my cheeks I make no move to wipe them away it has only been a few months but it still hurts like yesterday. I take out my photo album and study the features of your face you changed my life that summer it is you that I can never replace. The rain will drown out the sound of all my sobs no one is coming to my rescue I have no one left to depend on. For it was you I ran to when I needed someone hold me and now these arms of mine are empty I'm searching for comfort desperately. I have become a different person and I don't know who I am anymore keep thinking that I'll be okay.... but the old me never walks through the door. All I know now is how to cry without letting anyone else know yes, the rain will wash it all away and my pain will never truly be shown. Is Your Love Real?   I want to hear that I'm beautiful and that you love the outfits I wear when we're together I need reassurance I need to know that you care. You make me feel so secure and thats making me put my guard up I'm hoping you meant it when you said that you loved me THAT much. I've been overexposed to lies so if thats all you're going to do then leave me before I get even more attatched to you. I can tell your good at heart but how long will you stay that way I love your innocence, I really do but what's going to happen what it fades? Nothing good can last forever unless it is something pure are we even right for eachother? you seem to be so sure. I'm putting my heart on the line will you recieve it on the other end and catch it before it falls to pieces if loving me is just for pretend? aw You    My Inner Pain   Have you ever reached out to someone and poured your heart out to them did they let you into their life too promising that they'd always be your friend? When you both started to fall in love did you share every waking moment together were you ever seperated by a long distance and find yourself living in their letters? Did this person ever tell you their ambitions how their life's goal was to spend forever with you and late at night, did you talk till the sun came up never complaining about the lack of sleep you went through? And when you cried or were feeling down was he the first person you wanted to call and sob so quietly but he still heard you did he tell you to always stand tall? When the love in your heart consumed you and every waking moment was spent on him was your future as bright as you thought it was did he love you like he said...until the bitter end? Have you ever told yourself to let go and to just accept the fact thats he's gone did that person ever mean so much to you that you knew he'd leave you all along? Was his kisses so passionate and loving that you allowed yourself to get lost in them did you ever realize he was just lieing to you that it wasn't you who was pretending, but him? When do you say enough is enough to your heart and to close it up and lock it away do you ever wonder why you always get hurt if not...maybe I should be thinking about it today. If I saw you today I wonder how I'd react would I burst into tears and even take you back? Or would I tell you how much I hated you inside that you used me for no reason and lied to me too many times? But if we ever did meet again I would be too tongue tied to speak I don't think I'd do anything at all except let you pass by me. I'd let you go on wondering what I was thinking in my head maybe things would be better if we just left them unsaid. Because I did talk to you that would give me nothing but hope I don't want that or your pity I can survive a broken heart on my own.   Wanted To Know You   I wanted to know you why was that such a sin? you weren't the shy type but you were different within. Thats why I wanted talk to you for whenever you were around we had these amazing coversations you were smart,witty,and such a clown. You were only honest with me why you were,remains a mystery but as our friendship grew you became interested in me. And I cared about you too it was just bad timing you already had another girl and that wasn't fair to me. I was still stuck in the past hung up over this other guy you helped me get over him and wiped away these tears of mine. So what do you tell your friend when he's on his knees for you asking you out every chance he gets but you're just not ready to? And what do you do when he suddenly ignores you and flirts with other girls seeing the pain you're going through? Maybe I did the wrong thing when I told you no then but I thought you were joking besides,you had a girlfriend. We were the talk of the school people knew about us so quickly about how I fell in love with you and that you felt the same for me. I hated not having privacy we could never talk alone maybe we would be together today if we had better communiation..but we don't. When I took the chance and finally told you that I had cared about you for 8 months it was too late, you already had given up I didn't expect it to hurt THIS much. And now we no longer talk to eachother and I still miss you alot you were so cruel to me in the end but maybe it was just your way of showing off. I never told you how much I cared I would never even let you touch me because I was afraid people would find out they did anyway without me even speaking. All I wanted to do was know you and get to understand your thoughts inside I didn't expect to fall in love and then get kicked out of your life.   I Wanted To Know You   I wanted to know you why was that such a sin? you weren't the shy type but you were different within. Thats why I wanted talk to you for whenever you were around we had these amazing coversations you were smart,witty,and such a clown. You were only honest with me why you were,remains a mystery but as our friendship grew you became interested in me. And I cared about you too it was just bad timing you already had another girl and that wasn't fair to me. I was still stuck in the past hung up over this other guy you helped me get over him and wiped away these tears of mine. So what do you tell your friend when he's on his knees for you asking you out every chance he gets but you're just not ready to? And what do you do when he suddenly ignores you and flirts with other girls seeing the pain you're going through? Maybe I did the wrong thing when I told you no then but I thought you were joking besides,you had a girlfriend. We were the talk of the school people knew about us so quickly about how I fell in love with you and that you felt the same for me. I hated not having privacy we could never talk alone maybe we would be together today if we had better communiation..but we don't. When I took the chance and finally told you that I had cared about you for 8 months it was too late, you already had given up I didn't expect it to hurt THIS much. And now we no longer talk to eachother and I still miss you alot you were so cruel to me in the end but maybe it was just your way of showing off. I never told you how much I cared I would never even let you touch me because I was afraid people would find out they did anyway without me even speaking. All I wanted to do was know you and get to understand your thoughts inside I didn't expect to fall in love and then get kicked out of your life.   Fireworks Within   As I sit here lost in yesterday a certain special day comes to my mind the day when you and I finally kissed a day that I wish I could rewind. We didn't know eachother all that well but I felt something for you so deep it rushed over me like a tidal wave you were in my thoughts constantly. The next day,you were leaving so we had to make this day last forever I loved getting to know you.... wish we could have somehow stayed together. Distance seperated us then like it does now but I thank god for those two days maybe it was the ocean or the sand or the sound of crashing waves... But I fell head over heels for you what amazed me was that you felt the same we had so many things in common loved poetry,hated playing head games. We were upfront with eachother even though we didn't have to be guess because I saw something in you and you saw something great in me. When we kissed, it was incredible it was as if I was walking on clouds never experienced anything like it before it was a kiss to remember,without a doubt. Something you said to me the other day well..it kind of stayed in my mind you asked me if I ever think about that day and I answered all the time. You also asked me if I remembered the sparks when we kissed near the waters edge you don't know how vividly I can picture it or how many times I sit and reminisce. Those few days were worth it in the end because somehow I still have you in my life I wouldn't trade them for anything I will cherish them for all time.       ot Anymore