Only I Know
 

Your love is silent yet your hearts speaks to me in a subtle glance that only I can see. Your lips do not move but I know what you want to say but your silence holds me back so I put these feelings away. Your touch I have never experienced but when I do, how wonderful it'll be the clouds will soon part in the sky and make room for you and me....

^A^Girl^Can^Dream^
 

You know what they say a girl can always dream so I'll continue doing that even if you're never with me. Late at night before I fall asleep I think about you and how much I care but in your eyes I am just a friend I want to tell you but I'm so scared. I have never been the type of girl who goes for what she wants I am the one you see by the sidelines away from the girls who brag and flaunt. So if I have no other choice than to love you from far away I'll have to accept it but this love for you will stay. Is it safer this way that way I can never get hurt? for once should I risk it all for someone who will never learn? I think about what could be more than you ever will know I may smile to hide the pain but these tears of mine still show....   LoViNg U hUrTs   I hate how I can look at you and still feel ripped apart inside just the touch of your hand makes me back away in surprise. How weak am I to allow you to do this? you treat me like second best it's been proven in so many instances. Why can't I be strong enough to simply tell you no? NO I won't go out with you NO just leave me alone? I try to form the words but you always make me smile and I kinda like being in love for me it's been quite awhile. But you don't love me back and I don't think you ever will even after you bring me this much pain I stand by your side still. Because if I don't have you I have no real identity I'm so used to being obcessed with you that I have abandoned the old me. I used to be a challenge to you but now you know you can have me you're backing away and leading me on and I care so much it's frustrating. I don't normally get this upset it's only when it comes to you you've turned my life upside down and we both know it's true. It's too late to back out now I love you too much to leave but it's killing me even more to stay why can't you find it in your heart to love me? I will treat you better than any girl on this green earth but on you I know I can't depend and that's the truth that really hurts...... Know you   I know you but you don't know me my private thoughts or my secret dreams. I've fallen for you I'm not going to deny it think maybe you're the one I'm destined to be with. I saw it in your smile when I saw you the other day you made me feel so special in so many different ways. So what do you say? is there a chane for the 2 of us will you let me into your heart? or am I asking for too much? :::Love N Hate:::   I write better when I'm angry but I can't be mad at you my hands won't say nasty things but in my mind I do. I'm speechless for once and for me,thats a little strange what have you done to me that has caused this change? I swore to myself that I would never get my heart broken again but I never did say unless it was broken by a friend. Are we even friends?? I don't know, you tell me cuz obviuosly we have some miscommunication and your apology skills are lacking. Do the words I'm sorry mean anything to you? if they do,then open your mouth and tell me like you're supposed to. Inside I am a mess I wish I had your number so I can call you up and deny that we're perfect for eachother. Cuz that's what I used to believe aw screw it, I guess I still do and as much as I hate this I'm in love with you. We argue but we're not even together you don't belong to me you are some other girls personal property. Well tell it to my face then tell me that you don't care you can try and leave but you know that you aren't going anywhere. I said I wouldn't write nasty things hey everyone did I? I think I was pretty nice but I'm still mad at you tonight.   NoT rEaDy   I sit here and I wonder if you are thinking of me am I a fool for you? is this just some fantasy? Will you ever leave her behind and finally admit that you love me why do people not understand us? you and I know we're meant to be. You say you love her too all I can do is wait but you need to make up your mind before it is too late. You take me for granted that I'll always be your fallback plan what are you going to do when she leaves? I'm tired of trying to understand. In school you never mention her unless someone else brings her up you never defend what they say about her you don't even say that you are in love. When you put your arm around me I have no clue what to say I know I should tell you to stop maybe I will...some other day. When do you think you will be ready will you ever want me the way I want you? if you don't, I need to know so I can let you go too. There's no use in holding on to someone who is not going anywhere you seem to be secure where you're at but what will you do when you have no one there? I'll be standing in the shadows wishing I could wipe away the tears you cry but deep down I know you're not ready for this so until then we must say goodbye. I'm Here For You   I've stopped myself in the past from eventually going too far but now all I can think of is ways to get inside your heart. Showing how much I care is difficult especially when you don't even know I have these feelings for you and they're getting so out of control. My body longs for you to touch me just like you did today I lied when I told you to leave me alone for I didn't want to ever pull away. My heart won't let me let go believe me I have tried I reminded myself that we could never be and that one day this pain will subside. The more I get to know you I notioce how different you can be you're not always loud or obnoxious you can be so sweet when you are with me. We,in so many ways, have connected now where do we go from here? do you know what you want for sure after being with her for over a year? Nobody understands why I let things with us get this far I've just been wanting you to love me no matter how simple it is or how hard. I am here to stay as your supporter,as as a friend even if you never do leave her I'll be here till the end.   Unsure Of Us.....   I feel so two-faced whenever I'm around you because I deny what I feel inside I know you can tell too simply be looking into my eyes. On the outside people can't see through me somehow you can though and that thought is pretty scary. For a few months I told myself to forget about you you weren't available at the time but my heart still shown through. Now you tell me today that you're single and asked if we could go out sometime just us, all alone our feelings now can't be denied. Why did I tell you no when you tried to reach for my hand? what exactly is my problem here? I guess I just don't understand. All I have to do is say the word and you can easily be mine I wish I knew what to do but what I truly need is time. Time to figure out who I am time to learn who you really are don't worry, it won't be for long for you will always be in my heart....   Hurting   Why do I let you hurt me instead of just walking away why do I let you tear me down by all the words you say? Why do you act as if this is all in my head why do you flirt with me then be with her instead? Why do I put up with it I can't stop loving you why can't I be strong enough and tell you that we're through? Why don't I tell you I just sit there, my mouth closed why couldn't you have picked me how could it be her that you chose? Why is my heart is such pain and how do I get it to stop why can't I love you just a little instead of alot? Why is my life never easy love for me is so hard to find why is it never mutual when will you ever be mine? Why do I live in such denial when it comes to talking about you why do i lie to all my friends and tell them that I'm over this too. Why do I laugh at all your jokes and smile when you call my name why do I let you touch me leaving me never the same? Why is goodbye so difficult for me to say why can't I let this go why won't you walk away? Why do you stare at me when I have tears in my eyes why do you deny how you feel and claim that it's all a lie. Why are these tears falling now when there's no one else around and why can't you be here to catch them before they hit the ground? 2 days without you....   I am in love with you there...I finally said it I can't take it back and it something I can't forget. I wish I had your heart that way I can be distant and cold or be able to confuse other people and refuse to have their hand to hold. But I'm not like you and my heart is weak how can you take things so easily? why aren't you a mess like me? Hating you is impossible that I can not do but I wish that I never even touched you. Becuz your touch made tears come to my eyes it was the first time in awhile that someone gave me butterflies. I'm so ashamed of myself how am I going to face you tommorow I hope you won't be able to tell that my whole weekend was spent in sorrow. Tried to go shopping to take my mind off you but the smallest things reminded me of you too. It was as if your memory was following me when i was trying my hardest to let go I said i wouldn't play your games any longer but it sure isn't nice to be alone. I need you.... and I love you with all my heart I can't make you love me either but I'm trying to do my part....   ^Me^Jealous^?   I don't understand you do i even want to try? Ok Kelly, calm down and think do you really want this guy in ur life? Why is it that you hurt me so much without even saying one word? and why is it always me, not you that ends up feeling hurt? You told me earlier today that you have a date on friday you and I made plans last week but I'm the one who shyed away. If you're trying to make me jealous go ahead, give me your best shot I'm tired of waiting around for you your faithful follower I am not. You act like you know me when you don't even at all we never hang out afterschool and it's not my house you call. What happened to your girlfriend are you guys off-again this week? now is it getting through your head why you have yet to go out with me? Your minds all over the place and I need someone who will keep their word I know if I commit myself to you it will bring me nothing but hurt. So go out with that other girl do what you want,it's your life but you and I both know it's not her you're thinking about tonight.....   Let You Be   Letting you go is what I really should do my friends constantly tell me 'he's not good enough for you.' I know I deserve better but at this point in my life it just doesn't seem to matter for you I care too much inside. But deep in the core of my heart my guts telling me how right they are you do nothing but bring me pain upon this already walked on heart. You never gave me a commitment or even took me out on a real date you had a girlfriend on the side who you also claimed to hate. Well I don't believe you who are you trying to play here? I never did anything to you or gave you an ultimatum to fear. I accepted her as a part of your life how stupid I was for playing the fool allowing you to have us both because her and I went to different schools. Maybe you and I have never kissed but we both know how close we came and to think of all the times I let you hold me and never even once made a move to pull away. My feelings for you were written all over my face and in your eyes I saw it too that's why our memory must be erased I won't keep doing this to myself please...just go home to your girlfriend in some screwed up way you still love her and as for me...I have my own heart to mend.       AFTER ALLESE MONTHS After All These Months  After all of these months, here we are back where we started but this time you are not afraid and for once I am not brokenhearted. But there is still so much between us so many words that need to be said I wish I could make them come out now and that you'd stop playing games with my head. Sometimes I sit here and watch you at times when you are not aware I study the way you write with your pen even watch the way you stare. Everything you do has made me fall even more in love with you I'm ready now...to be with you do you want this to be too? I have been waiting for so long all these months have passed us by I hate how soon we will be seperated... and i hate how it always makes me cry. After all of these months we somehow are still friends our flirtations have lasted and they seem to have no end. But late at night as I lay my head down to sleep I wonder what you're doing and if you ever think of me. I fall asleep dreaming of you and wake up with empty arms I hate having to go through this why can't love be easy,why must it be hard? For 6 months I have hidden this away from your prying eyes I have let you just barely graze my soul and any attatchment to you I just denied. But here we are....in a crowded room still it feels like we're the only ones there my feelings for you finally hit me now before I was clueless and so unaware. For all these months I've pretended that this would go away but love didn't give up that easily these feelings intensified as they stayed. I am ready now, give us one chance I'll be faithful and true through all the good and bad times I'll always be here for you. But the question is.... are you ready to be with me? I want this more than anything so what will your answer be? My heart longs to be with you now until the end of time please fulfill my one wish say that you will be mine....   A Letter You Will Never See   Hey, Ok I'm not really sure why I'm writing this to you,but there are some things that I just need to get off my chest. I know things between us lately have been weird, and thats mostly because I don't understand you at all. I used to think that you liked me but maybe that wasn't true because I see how you flirt with everyone else, so maybe it wasn't like that at all.I really like you, I have for awhile now, and I don't get why you had to go and say stuff about me behind my back. Because for all the months I have known you, I at least showed you respect and never said anything cruel about you, and if I did, then I'd say it to your face. I mean don't you know know how much it hurts when someone you really like says sh*t like that about you? And you keep asking me out all the time and I can never tell if you're serious or not...so it's really confusing. I want to go out with you but I doubt it will ever happen because of the way that you treat me. I don't know if its too late for us since you're going to be graduating in a few weeks, but it scares me at the thought that I might not ever see you again. I just don't want to play these games anymore, I'm tired of them. I like you and I just wanted to let you know that and whether or not you care,well thats all up to you. I'm going to go, talk to you later <3 Me Admitting The Truth   In the secluded darkness of the night I lay here in my secret thoughts of you and I have discovered that I can no longer run away from the truth. I don't want to be the person that others generally assume is cold and empty inside I don't want them to think that I'm like that because they know my feelings for you I deny. Living a lie is what I am doing but I am sure I am not the only one I'm trying to be smart here and protect my heart before any further damage can be done. But in the middle of that process I have let you be ignored and rejected that was never my intention.... to ever make you feel neglected. Innocent flirting is one thing but you and I have gone beyond that I have stored every touch in my memory in hopes that one day you would love me back. I realize now that you can't love me because I won't let you and I don't know why my heart has put up yet another wall around it and a large part of me is dieing for you inside. Faintly in the distance I can hear the clock ticking time is running out for you and me I know I will have to make a choice soon maybe there is a chance that we can still be. The night is lonely and I miss you I keep thinking about your sweet smile sighing I remember the first time we touched... god my every thought of you is driving me wild. 'Tommorow' I whisper silently to myself tommorow I will tell you the words because finally admitting that I love you is one lesson that I am glad to have learned. I'm Sorry but.....   I no longer am your girlfriend don't you think that you should move on? it doesn't make things for us any easier if you constantly point out what I do wrong. You can tell that I am in love with him why are you trying to ruin my happiness? I'm sorry that we didn't work out but... can't you still just wish me the best? Because everytime I get close to him there you are,trying to pull my heart away you can't stop me from dating someone else and my patience with you has ended today. I don't think we could ever be friends because you'll always be wanting more for my heart has found a new love but still I hesitate,standing by the door. I need you to understand this looking in your eyes makes me so sad I'm sorry that I never loved you and that I sometimes treated you bad. And if you think that if I'm with him that I'll be making some big mistake I appreciate your concern, I really do but it will be my choice to make. You just have to let me go... we have been over for a long time I don't know why you're holding on to someone who only told you goodbye..... ChAnCeS aRe   You say the opposite of what you mean and inside I am all confused how long can I take this abuse? When will you rescue me? Don't go around and tell others about how much that you care I just don't think that's fair tell ME we're perfect for eachother. Tell me what is really in your heart because I don't think I can make it can't keep on thinking about this I don't ever want to be apart. I can't take all this waiting are you going to come clean and say that you love me deep inside I am anticipating. I'm wondering when our lips will meet will I ever get you to understand all I ever wanted was a touch of your hand and for you admit that you fell for me. But there is a reality I need to face even though I don't want to open my eyes there is a chance that tommorow I will cry and that I won't know what to say. Because you are not who I thought you were and I'm not sure if that's good or bad but maybe you'll realize all the love I have and you'll forget all about your other girl. In the end if we both were meant to be things will somehow work themselves out oh god what am I even talking about? chances are..you will never love me. /+FoOl 4 You+/   So patiently I have waited for you when will you grant me my wish? all I want is to kiss your soft lips underneath the sky so blue. I would gladly let you have me if thats what you wanted to do I'd make love to you if you are okay with waiting. This feelings for you are out of control and I can't fight back these tears losing you is my biggest fear and now my walls are starting to unfold. But how long is too long and whose to say when I should give up they don't know that I love you too much to consider that my actions might be wrong. I can't let you walk out of my life though not after all that we have been through we've been friends for awhile too at first time seemed so slow. Now I want it to just stop so I can savor the moments we have and that i can block out all the bad yeah i often do that alot. So patiently I am still waiting but you are nowhere in sight are you out with her tonight? or laying in bed thinking of me? Wait...don't answer that I don't want to know your reply maybe its time that I just said goodbye and face that you'll never love me back. How long am I going to allow myself to be nothing but a fool for you? because after all the hell I've been through you're still going out with someone else. I'm DoNe   Why am I crying these empty tears? they won't bring you to me and they probably won't make you see that all I want is for you to be here. I sit here, waiting by the phone stupidly knowing that it won't ring for you have never given me anything except some more time spent alone. Emotions are something that you lack when did you just start not to care did you decide that life wasn't fair and that you'd somehow pay them all back? Well look at me, look into my eyes I have never hurt you and I never would but now I think that maybe I should because you're ignoring me again tonight. This is the last time I let this happen and I have to block you out of my memory remembering that you don't even move me and try to forget that you did once...then. Tonight I have a feeling you're with her the thought of you together makes me ill she doesn't know about us but she will I'll tell her everything that has ever occured. Come to think of it, why did I ever want you as my boyfriend? when we can't even be friends I'm not going to be around forever. And if you would sink so low as to talk about your own girlfriend you might do that to me in the end maybe I should be thanking her though. You're the one who brings her more pain I'm just a girl whose in love with you she puts up with it more than I do guess your arrow has lost its aim. I'll be fine without you...in time I'm sorry I ever told you how I felt especially since you have someone else and I know that you will never be mine. But just know this..you could have had me and we would have made love so easy but if things were meant to be they'll work themselves out see? I'm wiping these tears away and I won't cry another one over you for your true side has shown through and I have had it with you today. Love shouldn't have to be like this you need to realize how you act but know we will never get back to what we had...it never did exist. DiEiNg InSiDe   Would you like to see my heart it's broken into a thousand pieces and I don't think I will ever be the same I am not ok. I hate you for all the stupid games that you play and I don't see how I let things go on between us for this long. I was so happy the other day we made plans to go out tonight but now I know you lied and led me on..again. Flashes of you touching me vividly flow through my mind god what happened I thought this was gonna be it that you were the one for me.... but I was horribly wrong. I want to call you and let it all out cry, shout, scream but I won't let you see me in pain like this I have to be strong. My mom doesn't know how much that I love you but she can see that I'm hurting can't let her see me cry, I can't I try to act like it doesn't bother me that you played me again. I want her to hug me and tell me that things will be fine but they won't be, will they? I'll have to live my life knowing and wondering about us about what could have been. One day I hope you fall in love and have her do what you did to me I hope you cry yourself to sleep at night that you are in agony and that you will remember me... the girl that you left behind. Would you like to see my heart? I have to just pick it up off this hard cold floor and put it back together piece by piece crying more part by part.... You're Gone   I'm sitting in the room where you used to be missing your laugh just missing everything. Did you ever sit here and think about me ever come the conclusion that we are meant to be? As I am sitting here memories flash in my mind of the day that you walked into my simple life. You made everything complicated made my heart twist and turn yes I had it bad for you and yes I did get burned. But I wouldn't trade it for the world and I really do mean that even though it kills me that you never loved me back. I am just sitting here silently screaming your name but you are gone now and nothing will ever be the same. FrOzEn   Saying this is too late but I need to let it all out you were the one I always wanted the one that I've dreamed about. I froze everytime you came near me I never knew quite what to say when all I had to do was just tell you instead I kept you at arms length. And now I regret so much the way I handled us here I am all alone when we could have been joined in love. It's too late to save us and it's too late to let you know so I wish with all my heart you can hear me and maybe then I can let you go.... Realizing   The realization that I will never be able to touch you has just shown through this can't be...ever. I am left here with nothing not a picture or a single note just stories of you to be told and how much you meant to me. We will never get a second chance friends is all we can ever be but all I do is keep wondering if we can start over from scratch. Can we wipe the slate clean and go back to when we first said hello? I know that was a long time ago and that maybe it wouldn't change anything. I think that I was destined to fall in love with someone like you because no matter what I do in my thoughts you still are mentioned. But writing a simple poem like this won't really make a difference or show you what love is and it won't grant me my one wish. All this will do is ease the pain and maybe thats what I need to do in order to get over a guy like you but am I doing this all in vain? There is no cure for a broken heart I have tried to find one and failed leaving me lifeless and so frail trying to weave a path to where you are. The realization that I will never be able to touch you has just made me come to the fact that we can never be together... PhOnE CALL   I think I felt my heart drop down to my knees when you picked up the phone your voice scared me. My tongue was twisted so I just sat here wanting to tell you hello but was too overcome with fear. This was my chance..and I blew it I hung up the phone and cried what am I so scared of? I have nothing to hide. But all these stupid thoughts starting coming to my mind like what if you were with her what if I called at a bad time? And of course I was too afraid to just call you back and tell you I was sorry for hanging up like that. But all I did was sit here and cry like I was a little kid I want you to love me I really thought you did. I planned on telling you tonight if you were willing to give us a try do you think we'd make a good couple? or should it be something I just let pass by? Maybe I'll try again another day... if I ever get the courage to say hello and let you know how much I care... except in person...not on the phone.