Missing My Best Friend
 

I once was happy but now it's been awhile since I've had a good laugh or shown a sincere smile. When I talk to others my words come out fake I try to fit in with them although I know it's a mistake. They don't understand me because I never open up I don't act like they do and my sarcasm has lost its touch. I wander through life searching for you knowing that you won't appear I'll even be lucky if I get to see you more than twice a year. I've been so lonely since you've moved and it started months ago how do I stop this? I don't want to be alone. I have so many great friends but I hide my heart from them that way they will never know the pain I hold within. Sometimes I sit here and wonder do they cry as much as I do? do they often dwell in the past? do they even miss you too?? I wish you were gere right now with me because you would've made things okay but it hurts because you're not..... and I've...run out of words to say. Fake You smile at me through your innocent blue eyes well save it for someone else because I've had it with your lies. Asked me to hang out sometime my first thought was yes but everytime I'm around you now I'm starting to like you less and less. You seem to think you're so cool just because you hang out with them the popular kids- They always seem to win. Well I'll be sure to remind myself Next time I feel like I wish I were you At least I don't have to be so fake to fit into their group. Seeing You   Seeing you is like seeing me different in looks but same in personality. Seeing you cry makes me do it too I want to make you laugh I want to be there for you. seeing you in pain always breaks my heart for you always catch my tears before they even start. Is there ever any way to thank you for loving me? because everytime love has me blind you help me decide who to really believe. I don't know where I'd even be without you in my life who would comfort me? Seeing you is like seeing me always together that's where we'll be. I Miss You   Thousands of miles are between us but to me it doesn't matter because everytime I close my eyes I can still hear your laughter. Time can't erase our memories nobody can ever take your place you'll always be my best friend filling that empty space. You're so far away nut we've lasted every mile I miss you so much haven't seen you in a while. Just know thst I'm only one phone call away and that I'll always be there come what may. Someone I thought I knew   I thought I knew you but I don't at all in times of need you were the one I would call. You gave me great advice and we'd talk about our lives and I'd say without you I didn't think I'd be alright. My words are now coming back to haunt me now we're no longer speaking and that thought is scary. I feel like I've been living nothing but a lie tears are my only escape route and all I want to know is why. Why can't you be the person I really thought you were I used to think you needed me but I guess you don't anymore....  don't get you   I try to understand you and all of your other friends but we're so different where do I even begin? For starters we dress so differently I dress in designer clothes you prefer to be preppy. I have a style that's not like yours I feel their eyes watching me everytime I step through the school door. People ask why I get so dressed up for school I get flack for wearing a shirt that apparently is against school rules. I can never win and I'm not going to change the way I am to impress people like you don't you understand? I feel we're becoming friends and for that I am glad but sometimes the people you hang out with just make me so mad. They all act the same as if they share one brain they need to get their own personality for how they act is insane. Sorry that I can't be 'cool' enough to act like the rest of them but when I think about it I don't need them as my friends. I hope that you learn not to judge someone by how they dress because I am human too and there's noone but me I want to impress. When your heart turns cold.....   I'm trying to stay nice I know I can be a bitch that I'm also cruel at times but at least I can admit it. I often neglect the people that I love the most I distance myself from them and encourage my own self-loath. I could be a better friend when mine are in need but when will they listen when will it finally be about me?? I can feel my heart growing cold and soon I just won't care I'm tired of being walked on or people pretending that I'm not there. Because believe it or not words do hurt me sometimes I choose not to hear it sometimes I'd wish they'd bleed. I used to be so sweet once upon a time never uttered an unkind word but now I'm going through this hell of mine. If we ourselves are suffering isn't it true we drag others down with us? Not the people that we hate however but the people that we trust. Because if we hurt them somehow we feel clever but if they're miserable too will it make our life better? Of course not but what else can we do sit around and wait for the friends that are never there for you?? FrIeNdS aNd ThE fUtUrE   You're the only who who ever knew me when I leave, noone will understand me at all the memory of your face will burn in my heart and I'm terrified that on my own I will fall. We are getting older, you and me our friendship may have already changed but it's you I know I can turn to whenever I need to see a friendly face. But soon I will be gone traveling far out into the unknown college may be a difficult experience and I'm going to have to face it alone. No longer will I have you to guide me on what is right and wrong I'll meet so many people- will we all get along? College is approaching next year and I'm still stuck in my childhood years where I'm safe and secure with you and there is nothing I have to fear. We all grow up sometime and soon it will be my turn but through you, I am assured it's one more skill I know I'll learn.   MiSsInG mY cHiLdHoOd....   I miss all of you equally you were my childhood I look back on our memories often as every person should. Growing up then was so easy when I had all of you beside me the years passes by in the blink of an eye and the friendships we had faded quickly. Lately I've been missing you though and I often feel the urge to cry why couldn't we have stayed young forever? why must we all have to say goodbye? I'm holding onto facades of all of you for we all have changed since then and we're not as close as we once were there's no need for me to pretend. I miss all the school dances we had back then I was the shining star now I'm just another face in the crowd and getting noticed is hard. How do I get that feeling back? I haven't been truly happy in over a year I'm too scared to let people in losing them is my biggest fear. I just wish I could be a kid again and that you all were here with me but we're seperated and on our own now and I need to just let things be.   MiSsEd U 2DaY   It's not easy for me to admit this but I missed you today my day didn't quite feel right without seeing your friendly face. I scanned the halls hoping to hear your name even stopped by your locker to see if you were there...just in case. I got a sinking feeling in my stomache as the rest of my friends talked around me they all had plans for this weekend and I wondered if you and I were doing anything. When you asked me out the other day I finally took a stand and said ok did you think that I was just kidding about going to see a movie on saturday? Here I am now, back home sitting alone on a Friday night wishing that I had your number so I could talk to you tonight. I want to tell you about me things that I never told anyone about how much i missed you today and how I think that you are the one. We'd make the perfect couple everyone always tells us that I'm just waiting for you to finally love me back. Because even though we're not together I feel such a strong love in my heart and I'll keep standing here, waiting not letting a thing such as time keep us apart. ===/I'M SO TIRED/===   I'm so tired of putting up with you I don't even know you anymore if we're supposed to be such good friends then why do we act this way for? Instead of helping eachother we only bring eachother down I never know what to say to you or even if I want you around. Often I remember how you used to be you've changed alot over the years I knew you so well....didn't I? so why am I now in tears? I miss my friend, where is she? you're not her, she's not like this she never used to care about superficial things but I'm so tired of your fakeness. I admit I have changed too friends grow up and they do grow apart I never thought it would happen to us when exactly did this all start? Maybe you don't even notice how we act, the tension in the air our conversations have no real meaning and our friendship isn't going anywhere. I still care about you so much and wish you all the best in life but I can't go on like this pretending like everything is alright. It's not alright...can't you see? you need to open up your eyes I want to talk to you about this but how should I do it...and why? Should I just ignore it and hope maybe it'll go away no....that won't work the bitter feelings return everyday. Maybe I expected too much out of you but god I know you're better than this what happened to my best friend... did she ever even really exist?? FoRgIvE mE   You and I have been friends forever been to hell and back together. We've gone through our share of ups and downs and I'm happy that you still stuck around. You know everything there is to know about me- who I love,who I hate,who I can't stand to see. I've never told you this before now sometimes I feel like I've let you down. Because everytime I say our friendships changed well maybe it's me whose not the same. I have to stop blaming you because I have a large part in it too. I'm sorry if I ever pushed you away and that I never made your problems ok. I can't do everything but I'll try I'm not a good friend..I'm not going to lie. To an extent I am loyal yes.... but how many times have I been put to the test? I've never kept most of the secrets you told me and I know sometimes that made you angry. We don't hang out as much anymore don't talk like we used to before. Now we are different people, you and me with different views and different personalities. Guess we can't stay little kids forever can't hide from every obstacle we endeavor. So everytime I wasn't there I hope you know how much I care. I'm human and I make mistakes but I hope you'll forgive me anyway. I'm Sorry Guys   I'm sorry guys Sometimes I don't realize how cold I can really be and then I get confused when you say you're mad at me. One day I know it's all going to come back at me all the lies I spread how I acted immaturely. But I am just a kid and I was just having fun I understand now that I was wrong although the damage is already done. If friendships are on the verge of breaking is there any way at to fix it? do you even want to because I just can't take this. I hold grudges against you over things that happened years ago I should just shut my mouth and move on but my subconscience won't leave it alone. But whenever you bring up stuff I did in the past I don't even listen I immeadiately react. I need to learn to have patience and that everything is not about me I know you think I am selfish but I really don't try to be. I just don't like to see all the flaws I have within myself because I have alot of them and often wish I was someone else. My friends and I may not always get along and at times, have some pretty big fights but they are always around when i need them to hug me and make me feel alright. I am so sorry that i am like this that I am inconsiderate sometimes but if I have to tell you this I'm am glad to have you in my life. And I may not ever show you my weaknesses but I know you all know i have them my tears I hide behind this cold smile as I tell you I'm ok once again. But I am not ok...I'm not I feel like I don't deserve any of you I hope you accept my apology and that you all still love me too. +++ArE wE?+++   I am ready to love someone and have someone love me but still you do not see the damage that you've done. I am over the fact that you hurt me and I can try to get over this pain but somethings wrong, I'm not the same and my conscience won't let me be. Loving you is wrong,then why does it feel right? no one else has ever made me feel that beautiful or so creative, the world seems more colorful and sometimes I see shooting stars in the moonlight. There is also consequences though of choosing to stay by your side about you..I have no one to confide so I go through this whole ordeal alone. The choices that I make are not the best i know I can do better than you but maybe I don't want to or don't want to try to...I guess. But I am ready now to love again it may be you,it may not be its your choice to make sweetie are we finally more than friends?